estel: (chocolate chip)
[personal profile] estel
Many years ago, when the world was younger than it is today, there were no tongs at all. In those dark days, our ancestors had to pick up food with their bare hands. They were brutal times. Civilization has come a long way since those forgotten days....or has it?

The idea struck me the day after I had been home with a cold. I don't think I was contagious, but maybe I was. I was in line at the cafeteria, eyeing the chocolate chip cookies, when I decided (of course) to purchase one. I grabbed the handy tongs that sat by the cookie bin, grabbed a cookie with them, and placed the cookie on my tray.

Then it hit me. Every person who had procured a cookie that day had touched those tongs. Every one who purchased a cookie after me would be holding the tongs that I had touched. The tongs weren't making cookie grabbing safer, they were actually making it more dangerous.

And so, even though I have absolutely no paranoia about disease, and in fact I think this concept is somewhat silly, I am here to announce that the day of Personal Tongs is about to arrive.

It's time for all corporations that want to make tons of money prey on our fear of disease responsibly ensure our public health to step forward and start making custom, personal, portable tongs for us to slip through a belt loop or into a purse and carry with us wherever we go. Pop Tart stuck in the toaster? No problem, I've got my tongs. Can't reach the donut in the back of the case? Yes you can; you brought your tongs. Tennis ball stuck in the rain gutter? No problem...oh, wait. Maybe we'll just use a stick for that one.

Bamboo tongs, collapsible stainless-steel tongs, Swiss Army tongs, hand-blown glass tongs, recycled plastic tongs, biodegradable tongs, teak tongs, pleather tongs, mastodon tusk tongs. The time has come for hygienic personal portable tongs.

And, hey, this idea makes way more sense than bottling tap water, shipping it across the country and selling it at a 5000% markup.

I'm sure you are skeptical. But if you think about what you would do if you had your own personal tongs with you at all times, I think you'll come around to my way of thinking.

Give it a year, maybe two. Keep a weather eye open. Personal tongs are coming. They're practically here.

You read it here first.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 11:41 am (UTC)
muccamukk: The Eighth Doctor rubbing his chin contemplatively. Text: "This calls for cake" (DW: Calls for Cake)
From: [personal profile] muccamukk
I'm making chocolate chip cookies and you can have one if you like. Just pick it up with your fingers.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Technically not tongs, but close.Tongs are attached at the top, for easy carrying in belt-loops. That's key. Chopsticks will just fall to the ground. Very un-hygienic.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:05 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hannahrorlove.livejournal.com
Still, the "personal portable two-pronged reaching tool" niche seems filled for the moment. And isn't it better to keep them in a case than exposed to circulating air?

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Tong cases will be a follow-on fad. Battery-powered hydrostatic cleaners will be more ubiquitous than Purell Hand Sanitizer.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:35 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hannahrorlove.livejournal.com
The inevitable store-brand color-coded lanyards.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
Nike swoop tongs.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dianyla.livejournal.com
I already have personal tongs in the form of my thumb + index finger. Reusable prosthetic personal tongs will have the same issue as reusable biomechanical tongs.

At the hospital where I volunteer, they have a big bottle of hand sanitizer at the start of the salad bar line and a very prominent sign that everyone should use it before handling any of the tongs.

Still, cute idea. ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 03:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
Nothing will ever beat straight alcohol sanitizer for keeping MRSA at bay, but it's unlikely to become faddishly popular, the way personal tongs could. Also agreed: reusable prosthetic personal tongs are no cleaner than fingers on most people. But I suspect some people are more likely to wash their tongs properly than their hands, and I'm willing to bet the non-hand washing offenders are far less likely to use their tongs to wipe at the toilet.

Personal Tong Mania Is Only a Matter of Time

Date: 2010-08-31 07:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dianyla.livejournal.com
I'm waiting for someone to whip out a Bottom Buddy at the salad bar.

And yeah, I adore alcohol based hand sanitizer. There's no way I'd have an integral skin barrier left if I did the full proper lather & scrub routine multiple times per day. 3M makes this really nice lotion-based stuff that doesn't piss even my skin off.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Have you used your thumb and forefinger lately to pull a too-short slice of hot Greenlees Bakery cinnamon swirl bread from a toaster?

Also, really, it's not about the actual sanitary properties of tongs, it's about the appearance of sanitary properties. Kind of like taking off your shoes in the security line at the airport - you just feel safer knowing that they've sniffed your shoes.

Personal Tong Mania Is Only a Matter of Time

Date: 2010-08-31 07:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dianyla.livejournal.com
I can't say that I have. On the rare occasions that I engage with toasters I generally do the 'Toaster Trebuchet' thing and try to launch the toasted item out of the slot.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 05:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magickalmolly.livejournal.com
You've solved all my holiday shopping! This year, everyone is getting personal tongs.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 06:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dianyla.livejournal.com
Better than buying everyone personal thongs. Ahem.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 02:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magickalmolly.livejournal.com
Depends on who you're buying them for. ;)

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Why not get them both? Just wrap the tongs in the thongs, and watch the wonder on their face as they open your unique and special gift.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
I'm picturing my mother.

You're buying me a new keyboard, apparently.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
You can buy Mom tongs and tang.

And save the thongs for your intimate friends. I'm partial to cotton or silk

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 05:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] magickalmolly.livejournal.com
I want you both to act surprised when you find a pair of his and her thong-wrapped-tongs in a stocking hung on your front door this holiday season.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 06:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Surprised and delighted.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 07:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] linaelyn.livejournal.com
I LOVE YOU MOLLY.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Excellent - that'll help spread the craze! And even if they already have tongs, it doesn't hurt to have more. One needs different personal tongs for different occasions, you know.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] doolabug.livejournal.com
TONGS!! TONGS FOR THE MASSES!!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 04:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Turning swords AND plowshares into tongs!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 05:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] viscero.livejournal.com
Working too hard?

(no subject)

Date: 2010-08-30 05:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
Thinking too hard.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-01 05:13 am (UTC)
ext_3634: Ann Panagulias in the Bob Mackie gown I want  (ebisu - bowl)
From: [identity profile] trolleypup.livejournal.com
In a individual holster...each holster one per bag I use. And for those geekier than thou moments, I have one that clips to my shirt pocket.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-09-01 06:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] estellongshanks.livejournal.com
You are a trendsetter.